Since being back, Owen has been the talk of the town. He draws a crowd wherever we go. Folks will literally stop in their tracks and gasp in admiration at our "foreign baby." In laughable and often cringe-worthy predictability, everyone admires his white skin and big blue eyes. (Read on for why.) Owen has taken all the attention in stride, and happily goes to the strangers who want to meet, hold, and photograph him.
It's no surprise to James and I that raising a baby in a cross-cultural setting would be good for some laughs and headaches both! Here are some of our favorite observations so far:
1.) Grandparents know best. (I know, I know! Debatable about whether this is true in the States as well! Nai Nai and Nana are the best resources we have, undoubtably!) Traditionally, grandparents are the baby's primary caregiver since households are multi-generational and both parents usually work. Because of this, the older generation not only raises the children, but also instructs parents on how to parent. As foreigners without the luxury of grandparents to help, locals (often total strangers) here are quick to offer James and I unsolicited advice, direction, and even correction.
2.) Babies should be bundled up. Our first few days back in China, James took Owen out for a walk to show him off. A little while later he came back feeling discouraged. He said he got several scowls from passersby. After reflecting that the disapproval may have been directed at Owen's summery attire (temperatures that day were in the 80s F), James changed Owen into a long-sleeved onesie and went back outside. It was all smiles and exclamations of admiration from then on. I have also been chided for not putting shoes on Owen. When I've responded that he doesn't crawl yet, much less walk, folks insist his feet are cold (again, despite warm temperatures). This winter we've learned to never leave the house until Owen looks prepared to weather a blizzard in my arms.
3.) Owen is beautiful by comparison. Let me give some background. In Asia, white skin is idolized--so much so that lotions often contain bleach or other skin-whitening agents. There is a theory that beauty is linked to wealth. In Asia, the rich have secure desk jobs that do not require physical labor, while the poor must work out in the fields. Thus, white skin is desirable and dark skin is not. In America, the well-off have the means to pursue leisure activities outdoors, hence the popularity of the tan. Well, Owen is as pastie-white as can be, which is always everyone's first observation. It is meant as a compliment, but always makes me grind my teeth in dismay. Worse, people frequently compare Owen's skin color to the other children's at hand! "He's so white! Look how dark you look next to him!" It has made for countless awkward interactions.
4.) No such thing as stranger-danger. It is completely normal for a random person on the street to come up to Owen and touch him without first asking permission. When I am wearing him, people will pull back his hood or peak under his blanket in curiosity. Once when I cautioned an older man that Owen was sleeping, he stroked Owen's cheek to wake him up! When James or I allow others to hold Owen, we have to be careful to watch that they don't disappear with him. It is not considered untoward to rush off to show friends someone else's baby. There are circumstances when this is quite helpful, rather than being a nuisance. In both China and Thailand, wait staff at restaurants have been eager to hold and entertain Owen while James and I eat our meal!
5.) Parents do not accept compliments for their own children. If given a compliment here, the appropriate response is to say, "No no no," or "Not at all." I almost kicked James when he, remembering this, insisted to local friends that Owen is ugly and naughty.
This is just the beginning. May we still be able to laugh in the years to come!
